Advertisment for Parenthood

Fed up with all that troublesome "free" money lying around? Do your days and nights seem to be overly busy with adult conversation, socialising, and spontaneity? Then you might like to try...

HAVING KIDS!

Yes, that's right, having kids! For the small price of $29.99, we can send you our comprehensive package, which details everything you need to know about making, baking, and not forsaking these adorable little poppets.

Topics covered include;

*Your new baby...where is the off switch anyway?
*Surviving on 10 minutes of sleep per day.
*Maintaining your love life (What's your name again? Yes, you, with the vomit stain)

*Pureed food; it's consistency, flavour, and use as an art medium.
*Poo 101; yes, it is possible to form new friendships based on this subject alone.
*What to do when you don't know what to do.

*Claiming your child in public (Little Lucifer is quite advanced, he's biting at a 4 year old level)
*Playing the game (yes, Jonty is wearing this seasons Dior, how kind of you to notice)
*Surviving the advice

Also available, for the price of $99.99, our tips, topics, and tantalising series on how to do everything else "parent", including, but not restricted to;

*Flying with kids; Why you will never feel more like you are undergoing some bizarre form of surreal torture, bonus being, there is no escape.
*Holidays with kids; where you find out that it is cheaper to be boo'd, poo'd and spewed on at home!
*Dealing with dilemmas; Why is that man kissing that other man, how come that man has no hair, check out that lady, she's fatter than an elephant...

Have kids today folks, I tell you, it will change your life. And with our easy guide, it's no harder than a degree in astrophysics. All this for minimal to no reward! Don't delay, sign up today!